There are many gay men in the community who are talented, driven to be successful, comfortable in their skin, and dare to be different. But on the flip side, most of them try to impress others around them with words instead of action in the worst way – the LIES. Why do most gay men lie to impress people around them? What lies do they mostly feed into people’s ears? Well, here are the most common lies that people will hear from gay men.
“I’m a model.”
OH! So you’re a “model”? For what agency? INSTAGRAM is NOT one of them and this is what some gay men fail to realize. It’s a social media app where smart phone users take pictures and use numerous filters for likes. A model is someone who has a role of promoting, displaying, or advertising commercial products or aiding someone, or designer, who wants to show off their brand or work of art (or creativity) for fashion clothing. In my opinion, a person is only considered a model if they’re modeling for a photographer, agency, or an event in their local area or out-of-state (or even in another country). Modeling in just ONE show doesn’t make you a model, that counts you as a participant. Models try to advertise themselves the best way possible by attending as many casting calls for an upcoming event and do as many photo shoots with a professional photographer.
The modeling industry has already come to the point where it is consumed with openly gay male models, designers, and choreographers.
According to Tim Murphy in his article the Dark Underbelly Life of the Male Modeling World, he said, “(In very recent years, the emergence of openly gay male models has slightly changed this dynamic.) “The models who play it best are funny, charming and coy,” says the same top agent. “They’ll flirt with you all day but you’re not getting anything from them but a smile and a goodbye, and the client come away saying, ‘He’s great, he’s amazing.”
Whether if someone makes a casting call or not, it is one of the ways to get yourself out there for a chance to get a modeling opportunity. People can also get themselves out there in the modeling or fashion industry by doing as many photo shoots with a professional photographer. This is another way to get a portfolio started when an upcoming event ask for photo samples. But continuing to lie to someone about being a model when you never set a toe on stage when you’re really taking pictures in your backyard, that’s not what you call modeling, they’re mostly called “selfies.” Trust me, I know the difference between talking a “selfie” and modeling in fashion shows for the past three years. There’s more to modeling than what some people think it is.
Pause! When gay men say this, I will throw so much shade until the sun sets. To be pure, you have to perfect. What they don’t understand is that no one in this world is perfect, otherwise, pure. The only person that should be pure is God because he died for all our sins. Speaking of sin, adultery and judgment are the two things that goes on within the LGBT community. I say this because some of us had our sure of at least a one-night stand and we have those who have participated in more than one sexual act with one or more men. This is when the judgment part comes into play where some gay men will say they’re pure because they carry themselves in a sort of snooty, stuck-up type of way and will point the finger at another gay man for being a community whore. Don’t ever call someone outside their name when you have, once, done it yourself. Therefore, there is no such thing as being a “pure” gay. We all have to admit to our flaws, accept them for what they are, and become better than ourselves (the person you were before).
“I’m down low/discreet/masculine.”
The biggest lie of them all. Who are more than likely to use this excuse are gay men who are pretty much not happy nor confident about themselves. Choosing to be discreet is understandable but at the same time, unacceptable. Some gay men don’t want to flaunt all their business, mannerisms, and affection in public because of their fear of friends, families, and associates not wanting to accept their sexuality, doesn’t want anyone (messy individuals and friends) in their business (personal life, relationships, etc.), or they carry themselves in a way of knowing when it’s the right time to express their sexuality.
Honestly, I feel that all gay men (DL, discreet, masculine, etc.) shouldn’t care for anyone’s opinion because it’s their life. It’s up to them to make their own choices for themselves. At the age of 23, I’ve realized that everyone is going to talk about you, your relationship, and your personal life rather if it’s good or bad. A person shouldn’t limit themselves to people who always have something to say but really don’t care for your well-being in the long run. Life is too short to be pleasing people who aren’t barely happy with themselves. Overall, don’t let anyone’s comments give you a reason to be private about your lifestyle nor let your masculinity/femininity define who you are. Always be yourself with full confidence and happiness. Being down low for a very long will leave you with regrets and missing out on freedom.
“I have a car.”
I don’t even have a car myself because I know I can’t afford one at the moment. Therefore, I don’t have to lie about not having the materialistic things I wish to have even though it makes me jealous and sad sometimes. But lying about having a car? That’s like lying about having a big dick when you have not one shape of a print on your basketball shorts. A car is a good thing to have but sometimes, you have to wait until it’s your time. Some people who do get new cars tend to not like driving everyday afterwards. The people who want to have their own transportation and don’t like asking other people for rides are the main people who are determined and motivated to work for their own car.
With gay men, a selected few of them think it’s important to have a car to be date-able. The other half prefers someone to at least have something going on for themselves if not having a car. For example, a job, going to college, something that makes you outstanding. If you don’t have a car but you tell someone you do, you better find the nearest keys because once the truth comes out, you will be looked at in a different way. Don’t lie about not having a car, if you know you’re unable to afford one, some people will understand and some people (snooty, selfish, manipulative, nonchalant gays) will not. To be honest, having a car doesn’t make you anybody in life but a driver and that’s it. Some gay men who think that other gay should have a car need to have a brief understanding that some people are not like them. It takes time for them to get what they need and if you want them to have a car, try helping them get one instead of throwing it in their face in the shadiest way possible. No matter what kind of car you have, it really doesn’t impress every man you see. Someone can have a brand new car but still look ugly as hell and the other way around.
“I had him.”
Lies, fuckery, and rumors are spread rapidly after someone tells a friend or an outside associate some “tea” that could be accurate or inaccurate. Coming from the mouths of messy gays, you’ll hear them say “I had him.” This means that they had sexual relations with a trade boy they claim they supposedly had. This statement makes gay men look bad because some guys will try to claim they “had” someone they don’t know nor met before. Even if it’s true that they’ve had some sort of history, it’s not their place to tell an outsider their business. It’s best to keep personal business like that to yourself. Now days, you can’t trust your own friends to keep a secret because they can be so quick to use that against you once an altercation or argument takes place. Overall, if you know you never had a sexual past with someone you don’t know, don’t be quick to open your mouth to spread false information. It’s one way to start drama that will be hard to squash.
“I don’t have anything.”
If someone tells you this, PLEASE ask for test papers IMMEDIATELY. Why? You can lay down with a dog and wake up with fleas. People are not trustworthy in today’s society. Did you know 1 in 6 Americans are unaware of their infection? According to Centers of Disease Control and Prevention, more than 1.1 million people in the United States are living with HIV infection. They also state that gay, bisexual, and men who have sex with other men are most seriously affected by HIV. This is mostly young African-American/black males that could face the most severe burden of the infection.
So guys, if you plan on having a one-night stand with someone you don’t know or already know, please use a condom at all times. If you don’t use a condom, use some kind of lube whether if its KY, Vaseline, Petroleum Jelly, or lotion. Use some sort of factory-invented lube and saliva doesn’t count as lube. The only thing saliva can count for is putting someone at high risk of contracting the virus. There are so many gay men around that you don’t know who is infected.
“I’ll take care of you.”
I heard this several times before and this came to be a lie as well. Some of the guys I use to talk to or had sexual relations with, I cut them off completely because I wanted to settle down with someone who wants to be with me for a lifetime. After I got in a relationship with my boyfriend, some guys gotten very upset and were “coming out” to me in my inbox. With me not caring and not looking back, I was like “where the fuck was this coming from.” Telling a person that you’ll take care of them is not going to get them to come back to you. Nine times of 10, it’s a lie. Who would want to fall for such a false promise from a guy who just wants you for their attention and whenever they’re in need of sexual pleasure? I will never.
Making such “promise” or smooth talk to get someone to come back, they better do everything in their power to back it up and show that they can take care of them. Otherwise, no one shouldn’t fall for this puzzle at all. When you move on to something better, never look back. It’s for the better. My suggestion to gay men who are really wanting something serious with someone besides sex, be upfront and honest about yourself and tell them how you feel. If not, you will regret later. Trust me, I made lots of them regret what they had and I can say that I’m truly happy to be with someone who loves and accepts me for who I am. If you know you’re not going to “take care” of someone, don’t even bother opening your mouth with the hot-ass lie.
“You’re the only one I’m talking to.”
If you want to focus your attention on getting to know one person, make sure the other is doing the same. Some of these gay men can be on Facebook, KIK Messenger, Jack’d, Adam4Adam, Grindr, Hornet, Badoo, etc. entertaining or trying to get with other people using these social media sites and apps. Most times, they claim you’re the “only one” when the things they tell you or the things you observe don’t quite add up. If you’re one of those guys are talking to only one person but secretly communicating with other outsiders, please be real and let them know the number of people you’re talking to. This is just to prevent them from being caught up in a situation where they will catch feelings for someone who is not fully committed to them. If you’re not afraid of talking to the other outsiders, you shouldn’t be afraid of being honest and telling the person you wanting to get with.You’ll never know what the outcome may be. I suggest for people not to lie to someone about this kind of situation.
Gay men are more than likely to tell these lies to make someone or people have a good impression on them and to seem look like they are “it.” Lying to someone is a complete turn off and not a good look. This can make gay men untrustworthy until proven they can make up for their honesty. Lies are very deceitful, disrespectful, and unhealthy. Therefore, if gay men want to impress others, they should do it the right way by being completely honest with themselves and telling the truth rather if someone accepts them for who they are or not.